A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements for their degree of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable a part of life’s journey. Inside a spirituality where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural we won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine this instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. So many regrettable thoughts and actions happen in such moments. I remember when i did a talk in a bookstore and noted that this phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have already been healed. There was a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding on to this negativity, you can consciously elect to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself for the reason that heated moment when you’re flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Imagine if you had been able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself maybe partner?
Understand that you don’t have to be physically and even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected inside our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you may become withdrawn and critical within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and vice versa, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, why not strike in the event the iron is cold? Let yourself cool off and cool off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you’re ready and they are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any kind implies that you are identified together with the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t start to see the other person anymore, but only your own idea of that person. To reduce the aliveness of another person to some concept is already a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you’re on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the lifetime of life. Regardless of how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes the best thing you can do-or the thing you can do-is to simply ride the storm. Allow the feelings blow through you and after that pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you realize, based on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s much better to stay afloat if you relax the body rather than if you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown of their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I’ll analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now I’ll hold on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and much better analyze the storm, and also to understand what caused it. It’s also possible to uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you make this transition easier in the future?
Use the storm just as one chance to gain innovative skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, understand that storms certainly are a a part of life, nevertheless, you have the capacity to navigate the right path through them. You will always go back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles usually do not block the road; they are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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